More than you can handle.

I've been rolling something over in my mind for a few days that just really bugs me, so let's talk about it.

I hate cliches. They come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Movies, music, Hallmark cards, they are everywhere, really. And for the life of me, I can't figure out where they started. Whose idea was it to be the first person to tell someone who had just had the worst day of their life that everything was going to be okay? Hey, this person just lost the love of their life, but it'll be fine. I'm sure of it. Are you though? How do you know it will be okay? Sometimes things happen that can't be undone, fixed, or smoothed over. In these moments, I have learned that there is nothing anyone can really say to cheer you up or change the reality of your situation. The simplest gesture makes the biggest impact in my experience. Sitting in silence as tears run down your face, just offering presence. That is what has helped me through some of the most difficult days of my life. Words were useless in those moments.

Now, I'm not cold or bitter to the kind words of others in difficult times; I am just saying there is so much more to being there for someone than saying "it's going to be okay". I have always and will always appreciate every kind word spoken to and over me through the years. Sometimes that is all I have, and I cling to them. When I've felt at my lowest, a simple, "I'm here," has helped me through many times.

This brings me to our topic at hand. I'm sure if you've spent any time at all in church or surrounded by God's people, you have heard and say it with me if you like, "God won't give you more than you can handle." Uhh... that's certainly not my experience or how my life has gone before or after surrendering my heart to Jesus. Which is why I feel this statement is one that I find completely ignorant. Who told you that? Like in the beginning? Who started this absurd notion that God won't allow things in your life that cripple you or break you? I can tell you firsthand that He most definitely will. Otherwise, why would we need Him? I do not believe that God causes things (always) that cripple or break us, but I do believe that when life hands us the sourest hand we could get that God will use it. If we lean in to Him through the struggle and allow Him into our situation, I do believe He will change us, even if our situation never changes. That is where true faith comes in, in the seasons of unbearable pain. This is where I've fought hard to keep my faith, but also felt the strength of God the most tangible. The most growth and change in my heart has never happened in the "good" seasons. It has always, always, every time, happened in the painful seasons I likely would have never chosen, but am always thankful for in hindsight.

I have seen a handful of therapists since 2015, when God freed me from addiction, and one particular therapist told me that I've lived through enough trauma for multiple lives. Now, I could use this theology to say that it wasn't too much for me and that God never gave me more than I could handle, but that would be a lie. You don't experience some of the things I have in my life without some residual pain under the surface. At times, still to this day, I can become triggered, and if not handled properly, I will bleed on those around me because of a wound that was inflicted years and years prior. I was sexually abused at 8 years old. Was this not more than I could handle? Yep, sure was. I was mentally, emotionally, physically, and verbally abused for 20 years of my life. Was this more than I could handle? Yep, sure was. I was sexually assaulted at 24 years old. Was this more than I could handle? Yep, sure was. I was addicted to drugs for nearly 12 years, and it almost took my life several times. Was this more than I could handle? Yes, it was. I weighed 80 pounds, was sleeping on the floor of a meth house, and had no job, no friends, no car, no hope. I ended up where I did because I tried to handle it all on my own, and that is what I have learned God does best. He helps us handle the things life throws at us, through people, even our own choices sometimes. He helps us make sense of the senseless acts of others. He helps us work through our own pain to see the pain of others and offer comfort or compassion. He will help us handle whatever we go through so that we grow through it and become stronger, wiser, and braver on the other side.

Every time I hear someone say, "God won't give you more than you can handle," I want to roll my eyes. Pray for me, I'm working on it lol. Because He absolutely will, and what you do with it will determine how you handle it. How you handle what life gives you will determine what comes of it and whether it destroys your life or redirects it to have a deeper purpose. While we are at it, let's stop saying "everything happens for a reason" as well. After you hold the lifeless body of a 5-month-old in your arms, you'll never say that again. I don't believe everything happens for a reason, but again, I believe God can give everything purpose if we put it in His hands. No exceptions.

What are you struggling with today? What pain is hiding in plain sight that you need to surrender to Him? What would happen if you allowed Him to help you handle this season you're walking through? Would you lose control over that thing? Would you forget what they did to you? Would you look back and feel that you wasted time and energy? Maybe, you would lose bitterness, anger, frustration, pride, disappointment, or maybe you would gain peace. Maybe your pain could have a purpose and God allowed you to be crippled by life so that it will bring you to Him. So He can bring something beautiful from the ashes in your life.

Much love,

K