What. Did. I. Do?

Original post from November 12th, 2018

Ugh.

This question.

Rolling around in my mind, trying to suck the fun out of everything for me.

It wasn’t very long ago, couple weeks to be exact, I sat down in front of this very screen and could think of nothing. Zip. Nada. Nothing. That has never happened to me before, I can usually come up with something even if it is not my best work. So, you can imagine my surprise and frustration when I had a deadline approaching for new content to come out and I had to swallow my pride and let my boss know, “Hey, I got nothing for you.”

Talk about embarrassing! Ouch.

The problem though, started way before I sat down in front of the screen. It started when I no longer felt the desire to come up with new content. When I felt I had nothing left to say. I had gotten to a point that I genuinely believed I had said everything there was to say. For years I made videos and various posts on social media but what had I actually done?

Inspire? Sure. Encourage? You bet. But, was I there for people? Or did I just hide behind a screen I had gotten so comfortable being on?

See, something has shifted in me in these last 6 months. I appreciate and value the platform that God has given me, but without the behind the scenes reality, what good is it? We can spend so much of our time consumed with social media and wrapped up in everyone else’s world that we forget we are part of an actual world that needs love and attention too. So very desperately. It can make us callus and empty to those around us because we can become more concerned with how many likes we get rather than how well we love people. Actual people. Loving someone requires sacrifice and laying down your preferences and priorities to be there, in the moment, with them.

I am the queen of hypocrisy sometimes so there is no judgement or demand attached to these words. Only hope. That we, myself first and foremost, can be better. Better at loving the least of these. Better at recognizing the need right beside us. Better at standing up for those who can not stand up for themselves. Better at loving our neighbor. Better at choosing forgiveness. Better at extending grace. Better at the most basic thing, being human.

Sooo….

What did I do?

Well, I think I realized what actually matters in life and that’s love. You may see videos from me and you may not. I definitely don’t feel like those will ever end but in this season I am going to try my hardest to improve the pouring out of love in person. Working with people that have disabilities has already taught me so very much in such a short amount of time. How dare I act for one second like I have it hard when there are so many people that have it way worse and can still find a reason to smile.

Feel what you feel. Cry when you need to cry. But don’t stay there.

Be better than that. Teach our young people that there is plenty to smile about.

It’s a bad day, not a bad life!

Much love,

K